Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
