just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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