when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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