I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
