Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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