I think I died a long time ago.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
