i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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