tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize