people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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