All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
