Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
