i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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