how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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