I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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