its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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