this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
