I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
