five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
