a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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