I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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