dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize