It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
