Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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