Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize