There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
A+ Viking dick
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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