all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I will pee on everything he values.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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