maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
