I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
