Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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