I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
