remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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