dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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