what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize