if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
