They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish I only lived at night.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize