i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Help me help you realize you are a moron
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
