okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
