Moan for me like Helen Keller
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
