I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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