I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
