Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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