Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
