wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
