Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize