planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
