i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
