He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize