Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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