walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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