Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
