U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
