Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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