No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
