shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
