he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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