No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize