Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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