If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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