my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
