I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Can I color on your dick again?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
