So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
