the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize