don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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