hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
