Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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