I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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