Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
