I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
